27th Sun of the 4th Moon, 1521 Anno Domini:

Ferdinand Magellan was the name of the conquistador espesyal that decided to lord over Filipinos (or people from an unknown group of islands) in the race to find Spice Routes, by guess what, befriending a Filipino traitor Chief Humabon aka Judas Blingbling. Armed with powerful artillery and a warfare technology that surpasses island folk blacksmithing, he decided to ask loyalty from Filipinos and let them bow under the Spanish flag. What an idiot. He died. He got killed. Nobody knew the guy wanted to inject spears on his arm and wear a Filipino Deathblade for trousers. You can’t just go to the Philippines and alarm death bells my friend, you will get some. The ninja who smacked him had a funny name – Lapu-lapu. If you want a blow by blow account read here.

That small snapshot of Philippine history tells us that even before Larousse Gastronomique was published humans are crazy about flavor. It has been recorded in the annals of our existence that we have sought and fought for the sole purpose of having a good meal. What sort of animal would want to kill other living creatures just to get pepper on his tongue and get punished for having it anyway? That would be you, your father, your great grandfather and his father and great grandfather. If you think about it, every food that you have on your table had a bloody history to it, meat or not meat. What would vegans eat next if they knew of the fact that human blood was shed just for them to enjoy every specie of vegetables and fruits in their backyard? Snow?

If that made you feel sad why don’t we just go on with our recipe. Here are pictures to cool your eyeballs.

Market list as seen on the montage above:

A green bell pepper as big as your fist

An orange carrot as fat as your index, middle and ring fingers combined

A yellow ginger as nimble as your texting thumb

A violet onion that would fit your palm

A red hot chili pepper, preferably the spastic bass player that looks like he’s always on drugs.

A couple of  weird looking potatoes, says the spastic bass player that looks like he’s always on drugs.

All the ingredients should be cut into strips except for the potatoes that we are going to peel, cut into wedges, and fry until golden brown. Be careful not to overcook or undercook the potatoes because that would be the ruin of your life. You are not doing french fries so don’t make french fries. Frying potatoes does not always equate to making french fries. Your fire should be in medium, shift their positions from time to time and watch those potatoes like you’re a pervert. Do not leave the cooking to the heat. But do not get carried away, we are not after perfection because we know you screw up from time to time, you are only human, you are not Optimus Prime. This is how imperfect it should look like:

Now that your potatoes are done, run to your music box and play some cool music to celebrate your coolness and then run back to the kitchen and toss the rest of the ingredients in the wok. Turn, stir, toss and mix for only 3 minutes because you want those strips crunchy and then toss in your whole fried fish, put 1/4 cup of water, salt and pepper and then crank the heat up to high for the next 2 minutes. You want the sauce there boiling like it is screaming to be taken off the furnace.

Turn the fish after 2 minutes to punish the other side. After that, you are done amigo. You have just speared Magellan on the shoulder blade. Viva Lapu-lapu.

]]> http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/whole-fried-fish-with-vegetables/feed/ 7 http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/how-to-fry-a-whole-fish/ http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/how-to-fry-a-whole-fish/#comments Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:09:56 +0000 seigfredtristan http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/?p=257 There are people that don’t eat fish. Each one has a distinct reason why. Here are a few. Fishes smell vile. Fishes smell repulsive. Fishes smell awful. I can’t believe something wiggly and slimy is edible. Fish is vomit. I love fishes and eating them is just cruel. Fish are just nasty creatures they should be killed rather than eaten. I tried eating fish but it just won’t get in my system. I know fish tastes like chicken breast but I don’t eat it. Fishes have high quantity of mercury and eating it will eventually kill you. The eyes really freak me out I think I’m looking at an alien. I don’t believe that something very cute must die so I can live. It smells like my grandma so I don’t eat it.

And here’s a group of people in Facebook who hate eating seafood. I hope I’m not giving a serial killer a hit list.

But for us who eat fish I think we can boil it down to one reason: because fish is good. We only live once, as we hear all the time, so we are dead sure we have not missed that part of our existence of enjoying fish swimming in our mouth against all odds. When you are old and gray, when fishes go extinct, when there are no tunas and salmons and sardines in the world, you can proudly tell the deprived next generation… I had fish and it is good… unfortunately you haven’t so your poor existence can only wonder. And say it like you’re angry because dinosaurs became extinct you didn’t get a chance to have a dino-steak.

But then there is a huge number of people who are still searching for the light wanting to know how to fry fish. Google gave me 358,000 searches on “how to fry fish”. And why would you fry it yourself when you can go to some restaurant who will do it for you? That’s a bit of an ignorant question isn’t it? Here’s why:

1. You know where you got the fish, you know it’s fresh.

2. You saw how pretty it looks like before you drowned it in boiling tar.

3. You cooked it,  so you are pretty sure that you didn’t use prehistoric oil that was first used before you were born.

4. You’re proud because you actually did something aside from being a couch potato.

Take a look at this study. I am interviewing a pretty Filipina, Alex. Alex loves to eat fish. But doesn’t know how to even fry one. Let’s take a look:

Ziggy: Hi alex how are you?

Alex: Me? Tired? Excited.

Ziggy: What are you looking forward to?

Alex: Church, family, time and my daughter’s birthday.

Ziggy: Will you have fish in your daughter’s birthday?

Alex: No.

Ziggy: Why?

Alex: Because people might not eat it and it will just go to waste. It’s not a good idea to reheat fish and eat it again.

Ziggy: Have you ever cooked fish in your life?

Alex: Yes. Once.

Ziggy: What happened?

Alex: I burned it. Then I cried. Because my husband mocked me. He was really looking forward to eating it. And I failed.

Ziggy: How come it was burnt?

Alex: I fried milkfish that was marinated in soy sauce and you can’t really tell if it’s burned or not. (laughs)

Ziggy: If given a chance would you like to try frying fish again?

Alex: Not really…

Ziggy: Why?

Alex: *Smiles*

Ziggy: How would you like your fried fish?

Alex: Crunchy on the outside and moist in the inside with that fresh fish flavor to it.

Ziggy: Sounds like a plan.

Alex: I like to taste the freshness of the fish when I have them. I know it’s bad fish because it tastes like cardboard.

Ziggy: (I wanted to ask her “like the one that you burned” but her husband is a bit of a punch-first-ask-questions-later kind of guy, so I digressed)

Now the bit after this is just for Alex and anyone who doesn’t know how to fry a “crunchy but moist in the inside” whole fish.

So Alex, here’s how we fry a whole fish:

1. Make sure that your fish is clean, nicely gutted and not frozen.

2. Put any pan or wok that can accommodate the size of your fish on medium heat and put oil in it. 1/4 cup for every 500 grams. What you see in the picture above is an 800 gram Snapper.

3. Lay the fish on one side, make three samurai slits on it. We are doing this so we can open up some parts of the flesh to avoid under cooking Nemo. Do the same on the other side.

3. Season it with salt and pepper.

4. Test your oil by throwing a grain of salt. If it reacts like it’s angry then you can glide your fish in. Take note of the word glide – graceful… and not drop; like an idiot wanting to have burns on their limbs.

5. It will be violent on the first 8 minutes so don’t panic. Step away from the vehicle and put your hands where you can see them. After 8 minutes get a wok turner or a wooden spoon or a tong and tilt the fish up to see if it has formed a crunchy crust, if it had, check it every couple of minutes and if your jedi instincts tell you it is going to be burned if you let it sit there, turn it to the other side do your 2nd set of 8 minutes. Remember it’s 8 minutes for an 800 gram fish, thus, 100 grams per minute. If you’re cooking a 300 gram fish (or less) you might as well deep fry it, so no need to follow this how-to. If you’re frying a fillet right now, you need to read the title again.

6. Done? If you are not sure if it’s cooked or not, get a fork and open up a portion (preferably the thickest part) and check if it’s still bloody… if it’s not, it’s done. If you are sure it is cooked, take it off and let it rest on a wire rack to maintain the crunchiness on both sides. Let it breathe for a couple of minutes then eat it right away.

I hope we’ve turned your bad frying experience into a good one Alex. And for those of you who are about to break their cooking hymen tell me about how you went with your first time.

If you’ve done this and want to go further on your Whole Fried Fish, clickety-click