Ceviche, Cebiche or Seviche is its nearest cousin; Filipinos look like Mexicans.

If you don’t know what Ceviche is, it is Sashimi in steroids.

Any seafood that  can be eaten raw, meaning fresh, meaning smelling like the sea, meaning you bought it yourself and you are dead sure you won’t kill yourself, can be made into the illustrious Kinilaw. And to be straightforward, the following ingredients are the only things you need for half a kilo of your fresh seafood:

Vinegar. Just at the level of all the ingredients put together. And if you are using wine vinegar, you should have drunk it instead.

Ginger. As big as your thumb for each half a kilo. And if you are using a knife to peel it, you’re wasting it, you should have skinned it with a spoon.

Onion. A small one will do. And if you are crying while chopping it, same here. You are not alone. Michael’s alive.

Srping Onions. A stalk. And yes, I misspelled that in purpose to exercise your tongue.

Chili Pepper. A looooong red one.

Salt and Sugar. Amount depends on your discretion.

And half a kilo of any seafood that can be eaten raw. Deja Vu…

Those are our cornerstones for our basic Kinilaw recipe. I understand that when you are a Filipino in the North Pole, I would just make you cry If I would have included calamansi there or even lime. But for those who have access to it, we hate you.

All the spices should be chopped finely as a rule… unless you are as lazy as me and you would rather bravely chomp the spices like chicken nuggets, go ahead, kill your taste buds. If you are doing a fish Kinilaw recipe as I am doing now, slice them in bite sizes. For everything else – oysters, scallops, sea urchins, shrimps, etc… let them be as they are. Let them die with dignity.

Mix them all in a ceramic or a glass bowl because you don’t want to mess with the flavors.

And you’re done! You can mix in coconut milk but you would duel with yourself after a few hours so don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. You can also substitute salted eggs for salt with no side effects. But don’t devour it yet. You need to wait for at least two and a half hours for the flavors to meld, stirring occasionally.

Kinilaw could have been named Adobo if the Spaniards have seen it first because this is the literal meaning of the word. It is actually a MARINADE in all caps and bold letters. You do not put her in a fiery furnace, you bathe her with your own fingers. And as opposed to what everyone thinks that this recipe came from whoever raped our women, no… it is actually embedded in our existence. Bathala made it.  It is the food of our gods. It is the companion of our drunk poets. Kinilaw is the savior of the Filipino fisherman who spend days out at sea without his wife with only a bottle of fermented coconut juice to make Kinilaw in order to keep him warm while hugging his hard earned blue fin tuna which he will happily relinquish to our eager mouths like the clouds giving up its precious rain to the parched land.

I’m fast forwarding this to two hours and a half because nobody said it can only be done in TV. Now eat.

If you feel like reading stuffs today, here’s more about the History of Filipino Food

Filipino food is not Chinese food. If it is, our Adobo (marinated meat) would be steamed chicken with soy sauce. It is neither Spanish food. If it is, we wouldn’t be eating rice like breathing air. Filipino food is not American food. If it is, Jollibee would have  bigger servings. True? If you don’t agree with me, next time you’re in NY try convincing the hotdog vendor that his dogs are not american hotdogs… in fact it is German because that’s where all the sausages come from. Then brace yourself.

Filipino food is filipino food. Adobo was just named adobo by the Spaniards because they can’t name the beast. Kinilaw (raw fish in vinegar and spices) has been with us for thousands of years that when the Japanese witnessed it wiggling on our native bamboo table they attacked Pearl Harbor just to get to us… a pretty smart move I tell you. And Sinigang (fish soup) is definitely a Filipino original because if you ask from what region this fish soup originated, you are definitely promoting a royal rumble, you should have brought a ring with you.

But then what is Filipino food really? I’ll give two points in the meantime.

Firstly, it is food for the crazy. You can’t just eat the salty-sour Dinuguan (blood and guts stew) by itself, you have to eat it with the majestic – Puto (rice cake). There you go, you became beauty and the beast at the same time. You can’t just cook Kare-Kare (tripes and ox tail in peanut sauce) with enough salt to taste, you have to cook it bland and then eat it with the salty Bagoong (shrimp paste) as a condiment. You crazy, woman?

Secondly, it is food for the lazy. Filipino food is made for Juan Tamad… and has a tendency to just put in any ingredient that is conveniently available. Would you believe me? No? I’ll prove my point. Adobo is a dish where you don’t do any cooking at all. You just throw them all together in a pot, put it on the fire, wait for the fruit to fall on the ground and- Voila! It’s cooked! Did you do any cooking? No. Except for putting vinegar in before the whole blob dries up. Ladies and Gents, Juan tamad can now eat Adobo. If you are telling yourself that it is just me exaggerating, stop right now thank you very much, here’s another dish. Bulalo (beef shanks and marrow soup) is a dumper’s food like Adobo. Dump all the meat and bones in the pot and after 3 hours, dump the rest of the vegetables, cook for a little bit and Bob’s your uncle. You dumpster.

Crazy and Lazy could have been your cat and dog’s names but when it comes to cooking, those words mean cutting edge while painless. It’s crazy because it’s bursting with flavors. It’s lazy because it is chill out food. That’s me saying I want to live.

Anthony Bourdain on his recent trip to the Philippines was asking the question, ‘What is Filipino food?’ again and again and I felt so bad that no one can describe to him what we are eating! Somehow in the end, it turned out that we have a food identity crisis. And I wouldn’t even start talking about the Filipino identity. I’ll die of hunger before I can stop talking and start shoving food in my mouth. Don’t you just hate it when you’re supposed to eat and you can’t stop talking?

I’ll stop talking now. Let’s get to work and make adobo. *wink wink*

Start your journey on the History of Filipino food here