Globally, Tilapia is fast becoming huge and I am only waiting for a matter of mere moments until it is used as a weapon of mass destruction. It’s kicking salmon out of the aquaculture throne because those orange-fleshed bear-huggers demand too much royalties and tilapia laughs on carp because plainly, they don’t have taste. The question is, when was the last time you had Tilapia? If you haven’t had Tilapia before, blame your mother or blame yourself if you don’t want to go through all the trouble in finding out it’s actually not your mom’s but your fault anyway. If you are not from the Philippines, you may be asking, where do I get Tilapia? Find a Taiwanese as Taiwan is one of the biggest exporters of Tilapia. Or as usual, your friendly, dodgy Asian market.

This Fish, Coco Milk, Shrimp paste article is this article’s article. I suggest you read it. The reason for using tilapia as our protein is because it is THE fish… It is the cornerstone to use coco milk and shrimp paste.

Now let’s go to acquiring our first secret ingredient – coco cream. The Filipino definition of coco cream is the first juice extract from grated coco meat. I was thinking of putting up a show on how to squeeze it from the source but since everyone is buying it from a can or from the cocoman (yes he exists, he is the guy that likes to squeeze), I will just be wasting all of our precious time.  Now for the rest of the world, they make coco cream like how you make cream from your usual dairy milk – let your coco milk sit overnight and that thing that rises to the top is the cream. I am baffled and delighted why when there’s something that rises to the top it is definitely the cream..whatever cream it is. I am more baffled with the term cream of the crop. One time I was driving and wanted to overtake to the right when I found out, with a loud whoa, I don’t have a right side-mirror. Cream of the crop. On this recipe we’ll go with the Filipino first blood coco cream.

Shall we go through the seven stations of the cross of making shrimp paste? Or should I just tell you bottles of it can be bought in a Filipino store? It is called by many names – Bagoong, Alamang, Ginamos, Di-nalabhang medyas, etc. The unadulterated shrimp paste tastes like… I actually don’t want to describe it, because it’s like… it’s like, “one time, at band camp…” and you know what goes after that. So get some bottled shrimp paste because they are spiced up, lovely, ready and can be used as a lip gloss.

Let’s get on to our recipe:

You will need a Tilapia (of course) of more than 500 grams. Anything under 500 grams, consider yourself deceived. You can either slice it if it’s too huge or leave it unscathed.

I can think of 3 ways on how to wage war on vegetarians in this recipe.

1. Steam your Tilapia. You decide on how much chopped ginger, onions, red chillies and garlic you put on top of it. According to Freud, you would likely to follow these steps if you have an obsessive-compulsive behavior. You do to your food as what you do to your toilet – you want to believe that anything you touch turns neat and clean. Look, bacteria in your blood! Here’s a bottle of handwash! Chug! Chug! Chug!

2. Fry your Tilapia to crunch-heaven (go here if you have no idea how) along with 3 cloves of crushed garlic. Do not peel the garlic. According to Freud, you are likely to follow these steps if you have an anal-retentive behavior. Just as you are sealing and keeping the flavors of the fish enclosed in a crunchy shell, the same goes with your social skills.

So in a separate paragraph, if you choose either of the steps above, you are actually a psycho.

Now before we detour on to the usual, normal option which is road number 3, we also need another and I mean a different batch of sauteed chopped ginger, onions, red chillies and garlic. After you have done either number 1 or 2, bring your sauteed veggies back in the pan, scroll down to the last paragraph of this article, choose a destiny for your Ginataang Tilapia, put your cooked Tilapia in the wok, pour at least a cup of coco cream, cover and let it simmer on low heat for 10 minutes. Done!

3. Now on this step we don’t do a separate batch of sauteed stuff because you will cook the Tilapia with it. Sautee your chopped ginger, onions, red chillies and garlic, add half a cup of water, slide in your tilapia, lower the heat, put the lid on and leave for 20 minutes or until the stock is reduced to a saucy consistency. Add your cup of coco cream, cover and let it simmer on low heat for 10 minutes. Done!

Now where did our shrimp paste go? Well you can either add them while you are sauteeing your separate batch of stuffs or if the shrimp paste has already been sauteed with stuff as what bottled shrimp paste is, drizzle them (or just put them on the side if you own people that don’t like shrimp paste) on your finished, plated Ginataang Tilapia. Now, Here’s a bottle of shrimp paste! Chug! Chug! Chug!

27th Sun of the 4th Moon, 1521 Anno Domini:

Ferdinand Magellan was the name of the conquistador espesyal that decided to lord over Filipinos (or people from an unknown group of islands) in the race to find Spice Routes, by guess what, befriending a Filipino traitor Chief Humabon aka Judas Blingbling. Armed with powerful artillery and a warfare technology that surpasses island folk blacksmithing, he decided to ask loyalty from Filipinos and let them bow under the Spanish flag. What an idiot. He died. He got killed. Nobody knew the guy wanted to inject spears on his arm and wear a Filipino Deathblade for trousers. You can’t just go to the Philippines and alarm death bells my friend, you will get some. The ninja who smacked him had a funny name – Lapu-lapu. If you want a blow by blow account read here.

That small snapshot of Philippine history tells us that even before Larousse Gastronomique was published humans are crazy about flavor. It has been recorded in the annals of our existence that we have sought and fought for the sole purpose of having a good meal. What sort of animal would want to kill other living creatures just to get pepper on his tongue and get punished for having it anyway? That would be you, your father, your great grandfather and his father and great grandfather. If you think about it, every food that you have on your table had a bloody history to it, meat or not meat. What would vegans eat next if they knew of the fact that human blood was shed just for them to enjoy every specie of vegetables and fruits in their backyard? Snow?

If that made you feel sad why don’t we just go on with our recipe. Here are pictures to cool your eyeballs.

Market list as seen on the montage above:

A green bell pepper as big as your fist

An orange carrot as fat as your index, middle and ring fingers combined

A yellow ginger as nimble as your texting thumb

A violet onion that would fit your palm

A red hot chili pepper, preferably the spastic bass player that looks like he’s always on drugs.

A couple of  weird looking potatoes, says the spastic bass player that looks like he’s always on drugs.

All the ingredients should be cut into strips except for the potatoes that we are going to peel, cut into wedges, and fry until golden brown. Be careful not to overcook or undercook the potatoes because that would be the ruin of your life. You are not doing french fries so don’t make french fries. Frying potatoes does not always equate to making french fries. Your fire should be in medium, shift their positions from time to time and watch those potatoes like you’re a pervert. Do not leave the cooking to the heat. But do not get carried away, we are not after perfection because we know you screw up from time to time, you are only human, you are not Optimus Prime. This is how imperfect it should look like:

Now that your potatoes are done, run to your music box and play some cool music to celebrate your coolness and then run back to the kitchen and toss the rest of the ingredients in the wok. Turn, stir, toss and mix for only 3 minutes because you want those strips crunchy and then toss in your whole fried fish, put 1/4 cup of water, salt and pepper and then crank the heat up to high for the next 2 minutes. You want the sauce there boiling like it is screaming to be taken off the furnace.

Turn the fish after 2 minutes to punish the other side. After that, you are done amigo. You have just speared Magellan on the shoulder blade. Viva Lapu-lapu.

]]> http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/whole-fried-fish-with-vegetables/feed/ 7 http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/how-to-fry-a-whole-fish/ http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/how-to-fry-a-whole-fish/#comments Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:09:56 +0000 seigfredtristan http://www.myfilipinokitchen.com/?p=257 There are people that don’t eat fish. Each one has a distinct reason why. Here are a few. Fishes smell vile. Fishes smell repulsive. Fishes smell awful. I can’t believe something wiggly and slimy is edible. Fish is vomit. I love fishes and eating them is just cruel. Fish are just nasty creatures they should be killed rather than eaten. I tried eating fish but it just won’t get in my system. I know fish tastes like chicken breast but I don’t eat it. Fishes have high quantity of mercury and eating it will eventually kill you. The eyes really freak me out I think I’m looking at an alien. I don’t believe that something very cute must die so I can live. It smells like my grandma so I don’t eat it.

And here’s a group of people in Facebook who hate eating seafood. I hope I’m not giving a serial killer a hit list.

But for us who eat fish I think we can boil it down to one reason: because fish is good. We only live once, as we hear all the time, so we are dead sure we have not missed that part of our existence of enjoying fish swimming in our mouth against all odds. When you are old and gray, when fishes go extinct, when there are no tunas and salmons and sardines in the world, you can proudly tell the deprived next generation… I had fish and it is good… unfortunately you haven’t so your poor existence can only wonder. And say it like you’re angry because dinosaurs became extinct you didn’t get a chance to have a dino-steak.

But then there is a huge number of people who are still searching for the light wanting to know how to fry fish. Google gave me 358,000 searches on “how to fry fish”. And why would you fry it yourself when you can go to some restaurant who will do it for you? That’s a bit of an ignorant question isn’t it? Here’s why:

1. You know where you got the fish, you know it’s fresh.

2. You saw how pretty it looks like before you drowned it in boiling tar.

3. You cooked it,  so you are pretty sure that you didn’t use prehistoric oil that was first used before you were born.

4. You’re proud because you actually did something aside from being a couch potato.

Take a look at this study. I am interviewing a pretty Filipina, Alex. Alex loves to eat fish. But doesn’t know how to even fry one. Let’s take a look:

Ziggy: Hi alex how are you?

Alex: Me? Tired? Excited.

Ziggy: What are you looking forward to?

Alex: Church, family, time and my daughter’s birthday.

Ziggy: Will you have fish in your daughter’s birthday?

Alex: No.

Ziggy: Why?

Alex: Because people might not eat it and it will just go to waste. It’s not a good idea to reheat fish and eat it again.

Ziggy: Have you ever cooked fish in your life?

Alex: Yes. Once.

Ziggy: What happened?

Alex: I burned it. Then I cried. Because my husband mocked me. He was really looking forward to eating it. And I failed.

Ziggy: How come it was burnt?

Alex: I fried milkfish that was marinated in soy sauce and you can’t really tell if it’s burned or not. (laughs)

Ziggy: If given a chance would you like to try frying fish again?

Alex: Not really…

Ziggy: Why?

Alex: *Smiles*

Ziggy: How would you like your fried fish?

Alex: Crunchy on the outside and moist in the inside with that fresh fish flavor to it.

Ziggy: Sounds like a plan.

Alex: I like to taste the freshness of the fish when I have them. I know it’s bad fish because it tastes like cardboard.

Ziggy: (I wanted to ask her “like the one that you burned” but her husband is a bit of a punch-first-ask-questions-later kind of guy, so I digressed)

Now the bit after this is just for Alex and anyone who doesn’t know how to fry a “crunchy but moist in the inside” whole fish.

So Alex, here’s how we fry a whole fish:

1. Make sure that your fish is clean, nicely gutted and not frozen.

2. Put any pan or wok that can accommodate the size of your fish on medium heat and put oil in it. 1/4 cup for every 500 grams. What you see in the picture above is an 800 gram Snapper.

3. Lay the fish on one side, make three samurai slits on it. We are doing this so we can open up some parts of the flesh to avoid under cooking Nemo. Do the same on the other side.

3. Season it with salt and pepper.

4. Test your oil by throwing a grain of salt. If it reacts like it’s angry then you can glide your fish in. Take note of the word glide – graceful… and not drop; like an idiot wanting to have burns on their limbs.

5. It will be violent on the first 8 minutes so don’t panic. Step away from the vehicle and put your hands where you can see them. After 8 minutes get a wok turner or a wooden spoon or a tong and tilt the fish up to see if it has formed a crunchy crust, if it had, check it every couple of minutes and if your jedi instincts tell you it is going to be burned if you let it sit there, turn it to the other side do your 2nd set of 8 minutes. Remember it’s 8 minutes for an 800 gram fish, thus, 100 grams per minute. If you’re cooking a 300 gram fish (or less) you might as well deep fry it, so no need to follow this how-to. If you’re frying a fillet right now, you need to read the title again.

6. Done? If you are not sure if it’s cooked or not, get a fork and open up a portion (preferably the thickest part) and check if it’s still bloody… if it’s not, it’s done. If you are sure it is cooked, take it off and let it rest on a wire rack to maintain the crunchiness on both sides. Let it breathe for a couple of minutes then eat it right away.

I hope we’ve turned your bad frying experience into a good one Alex. And for those of you who are about to break their cooking hymen tell me about how you went with your first time.

If you’ve done this and want to go further on your Whole Fried Fish, clickety-click

Ceviche, Cebiche or Seviche is its nearest cousin; Filipinos look like Mexicans.

If you don’t know what Ceviche is, it is Sashimi in steroids.

Any seafood that  can be eaten raw, meaning fresh, meaning smelling like the sea, meaning you bought it yourself and you are dead sure you won’t kill yourself, can be made into the illustrious Kinilaw. And to be straightforward, the following ingredients are the only things you need for half a kilo of your fresh seafood:

Vinegar. Just at the level of all the ingredients put together. And if you are using wine vinegar, you should have drunk it instead.

Ginger. As big as your thumb for each half a kilo. And if you are using a knife to peel it, you’re wasting it, you should have skinned it with a spoon.

Onion. A small one will do. And if you are crying while chopping it, same here. You are not alone. Michael’s alive.

Srping Onions. A stalk. And yes, I misspelled that in purpose to exercise your tongue.

Chili Pepper. A looooong red one.

Salt and Sugar. Amount depends on your discretion.

And half a kilo of any seafood that can be eaten raw. Deja Vu…

Those are our cornerstones for our basic Kinilaw recipe. I understand that when you are a Filipino in the North Pole, I would just make you cry If I would have included calamansi there or even lime. But for those who have access to it, we hate you.

All the spices should be chopped finely as a rule… unless you are as lazy as me and you would rather bravely chomp the spices like chicken nuggets, go ahead, kill your taste buds. If you are doing a fish Kinilaw recipe as I am doing now, slice them in bite sizes. For everything else – oysters, scallops, sea urchins, shrimps, etc… let them be as they are. Let them die with dignity.

Mix them all in a ceramic or a glass bowl because you don’t want to mess with the flavors.

And you’re done! You can mix in coconut milk but you would duel with yourself after a few hours so don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. You can also substitute salted eggs for salt with no side effects. But don’t devour it yet. You need to wait for at least two and a half hours for the flavors to meld, stirring occasionally.

Kinilaw could have been named Adobo if the Spaniards have seen it first because this is the literal meaning of the word. It is actually a MARINADE in all caps and bold letters. You do not put her in a fiery furnace, you bathe her with your own fingers. And as opposed to what everyone thinks that this recipe came from whoever raped our women, no… it is actually embedded in our existence. Bathala made it.  It is the food of our gods. It is the companion of our drunk poets. Kinilaw is the savior of the Filipino fisherman who spend days out at sea without his wife with only a bottle of fermented coconut juice to make Kinilaw in order to keep him warm while hugging his hard earned blue fin tuna which he will happily relinquish to our eager mouths like the clouds giving up its precious rain to the parched land.

I’m fast forwarding this to two hours and a half because nobody said it can only be done in TV. Now eat.

If you feel like reading stuffs today, here’s more about the History of Filipino Food