Written by: seigfredtristan on July 7, 2010

You arrived here because you were reading a strange story about Batchoy.

Sam Antonio is an award winning travel photographer from Southern California. His wanderlust has taken him from Elvis Presley’s Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. His photos have been published in The New American Magazine, Worldhotel-link.com, and Publications International, LTD, Smithsonian Magazine and of course here at myfilipinokitchen.com. Know more about Sam in Facebook, Twitter, Flicker and in his Blog

The main ingredient that made the La Paz Batchoy recipe is the town (although it is now urbanized, and called a district) of La Paz itself. If you’ve had batchoy before, you will know of the pandemonium in a bowl that I am talking about. If you don’t, then picture this:

La Paz is one of the six districts of the city of Iloilo in the Philippines. La Paz is the first district going towards north, away from the city proper and is connected via two bridges. The other bridge is currently disappointed because it’s not being used that much although it is the newer and the neater one, like that appliance that you never used that you bought from a recent sale. Right after you cross the old, shivering, patronized bridge, you will arrive at your destination – La Paz Public Market – the cradle of the famous pork-crackling, innard-infested, man-drowning-broth La Paz Batchoy.

Say hello.

It would usually greet back with a loud, noisy, looped to eternity disco music remixes of songs you heard once in your life and never wanted to hear again. I should mention again that it is looped until after cockroaches go extinct. They are only matched by hawkers in the sidewalk shouting names of vegetables, meat, wonder oils, anti-menstruation root-extracts, tooth-growing artifacts, chants that cast out demons, etc. Noisy to meet you indeed.

Coconuts and their vendors are rolling around the street like stray cats. Sweaty public jeepney drivers are turning into stone because of the traffic. Five to ten year-old kids are going crazy running the streets playing tag. Topless men are leaning on air having a smoke, talking in the line of “what are we going to do if we see a sack of one-thousand peso bills”. University students and their books bouncing towards the nearest mall looking for someplace to cool off after spending the whole afternoon in a classroom that can beat any natural hot spring spa. Geeks push each other to get the first seat in an internet cafe to play the latest online game. A cop dancing in the middle of the street telling everyone how to sway with all these death-metal daily grunge. After all that, everything is simmered in a 37 degree centigrade heat, ready for Armageddon.

Can you now imagine the ingredients in your La Paz Batchoy recipe? If you can’t, let’s play more.

The following are ingredients for a La Paz Batchoy Recipe.

Miki (Meke) Noodles

As far as I know a regular human being cannot get this noodle. La Paz Batchoy noodles or Miki as everybody pronounces it (but spells as Meke) can only be ordered by people who sell La Paz batchoy. If you want to get scraps of these coveted strings of life, you have to get inside La Paz public market and find some friends that sell it black-market style. If you are in Manila, the noodles are actually sold in any wet market by any fat woman with faded red nail polish. If you are not in the Philippines, go to your Asian market, look for a store that sells thin egg noodles or choose a crooked-looking, malnourished dried egg noodles. Or any fat woman with faded red nail polish. They can manually wash your clothes too.

Pork and Beef Bones

It’s up to you how much you want to use. It is actually obvious what they are for. If you don’t know what are they for, Ask Mr Kitchenero.

Pork Meat, Intestines, Liver

You can always get these in a nearest Asian market. If you find them disgusting, well madame, you are getting offensive. These are edible, delicious, nutritious and are always heartily prepared by our Nanis. Alberto Rios will kill you. We always thank God if we have them on the table. If you want an argument, just go directly to commenting on this article and you’ll get some.

Pork Crackle

The skin of the slothful beast fried to a thunderous crunch. It is called Chicharon. Chi means the man, Cha means the woman, and I don’t know what Ron means. The spanish spell it Chicharron.

Srping Onions

In wrong spelling.

Monosodium Glutamate

I’d like to think they don’t use this. You would like to think so too.

Shrimp paste

Do they really use this? I cannot reconcile with the fact that they actually use shrimp paste. Really.

Onions and Garlic

You better know how, where and when to use these.

Those are so far the basic ingredients for a La Paz Batchoy recipe. If you don’t see eggs there, it’s because there are no eggs there. You can destroy yourself by disillusion just as effectively by a bomb. I do not know where that came from. Now, feel free to make your own recipe, you can post it in the comments, it’ll be good to figure it out yourself and tell others about it. As for me, a person who has spent topless cold nights in La Paz in my formative years, I’ll see you on Saturday and tell you how to go around these ingredients for a La Paz Batchoy Recipe.

Click here for How to cook La Paz Batchoy with these ingredients.