This is the best bacon in the world. If you doubt my word, buy all the bacon imaginable in the deli, follow the Tocino recipe below, invite every red, yellow, black and white neighbor around your postcode and let them vote which is the best bacon in the world. Tocino will win in 3 different weights because:

1. It is the fattest and biggest bacon cut.

2. It is adorably sweet and it’s not salty compared to common kinds of bacon.

3. It is pink.

Although this Tocino recipe did not undergo the curing process of nuking it with saltpeter, I succumbed to coloring artificially because I don’t want to use any red powdered spice like paprika because it ruins the flavor.

Let’s dive right away on how to make Tocino for Tosilog. Like what we did with our Tapa, put the marinade on a separate bowl so you can give it a taste before you dunk your meat in.

You can use any meat. If you were thinking of using beef, normal people always use pork. But nobody said you can’t make tocino out of beef… it’s just that nobody ever did make tocino out of beef. With regards to pork, you can use the shoulder part or the ham leg cut or most likely, you will end up with the belly anyway. You will want to have some fat in your tocino cuts because those are the tastiest parts and it shows that you are brave enough to take in cholesterol. Congratulations, you will get fatter you hedonist.

Let’s do the marinade step by step:

Step 1

Boil half a cup of water for every 500 grams of meat and put it in a bowl. Be careful, you don’t want to burn yourself, melt a plastic bowl or break a thin glass bowl. The vase is for flowers.

Step 2.

For every 100 grams of meat, add a tablespoon of sugar, a tablespoon of ketchup, a teaspoon of salt, a teaspoon of powdered pepper, and a few drops of red unicorn tears (see coloring) for magic, in your hot liquid. Stir your liquid until all the powders have joined the water in blessed union.

Step 3

Taste it before you dunk in the pork. You can add more water, more salt, more sugar or more red unicorn tears if you         want to. Magic…

Step 4

For the next 4 hours, let your pork snort all the marinade in the bowl like what they do with their food when they’re             alive. Stick, stack and store them in a reliable freezer. Again, store them in the freezer for up to 3 days and consume them in that duration as well. I am giving you a short time frame for consumption because I do not want you to blame this website if you encounter gastric problems. I did not tell you to pick up stuff on the floor and eat it and I did not mention red unicorn tears.

Step 5

You can cook them anyway you like. You can boil them, fry them, grill them, broil them, you can bury them in your backyard for 24 hours before you dig them out and put them straight into your orifices for all I care just as long as you cook them well done. But just to be safe, shallow-fry them. Do not burn your babies. You want them pink with a little bit of brown smudges.

I assume you have fried your egg and rice for your Tosilog.

If you’ve been itching to know why do we color our Tocino red (and most likely ends up like a glimmering pink seductress),  you can ask Mr. Kitchenero.

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