Written by: seigfredtristan on July 21, 2010

Filipino Food Truck Rolls Out Manila Machine introduces Filipino cuisine via truck

Image from Wikimedia Commons

I am really going to crack now. If you read the whole article, I know you will too. Let me enumerate the ways a list of big-shot Filipino chefs really blew it like a home-made scandal. I want you to picture me, having a tantrum, and if you see any phrases in bold, imagine me saying it in a very nyee nyee nyee nyee nyee manner.

1. Filipino Chef #1 says “but it’s difficult to assimilate Filipino food into the mainstream culture.”

2. Filipino Chef #2 says “Filipino food doesn’t look visually appealing.”

3. Filipino Chef #3 says “Filipino food is not ready for prime time.”

Hence, I will write a letter to all the big-shot Filipino chefs who left Filipino food at home for it to develop agoraphobia.

Dear Mr Big Shot Filipino Chef,

How are you today? I hope you are doing fine and are happy with your demis, stocks, crepes, steaks, risolles, veloutes and the rest of your repertoire de la cuisine.

Chef, I have a question… what’s with all this difficult to assimilate, visually unappealing and not ready for prime time pile of cow dung?

I have another question Chef. Do you know Lady Gaga? When she first came out, the world was flabbergasted. But she’s famous now. I’m sure you don’t know her. She can’t be eaten chef (though i doubt that) but that colorful she-man didn’t really have an inch of difficulty assimilating in the mainstream culture and the guy was actually swallowed, in the least, devoured by the mainstream gateway that she is now The Mainstream herself.

Chef, maybe you are really shy that you treat the food that you grew up with just the same as you treat your kids: someone to put away in a dark, cold, lonely corner of your Privet drive. Or maybe you grew up with steaks and potatoes because Filipino food doesn’t fiddle your tingle. Or maybe you don’t have enough pride in yourself that you are thinking you can’t serve Filipino food because it will suck because you suck yourself. And by that Mr Big Shot Filipino Chef, you betrayed yourself and the rest of us, your Filipino blood-brothers.

I can’t understand my ever-dearest Filipino chef. Why is it difficult to assimilate? Is Filipino food described as sand stew? Does it sound like underpants soup? Is it visually unappealing like stir-fried dirt? Or deep-fried carpet? Are you happy that you are in your comfort zone while the cuisine of your being is in the gutter, scraping for whatever recognition he can get out of his putrid, paralyzed, ignored, Pilosopong Tasyo, state?

Sorry chef, I got carried away there.

So I was talking to this Vietnamese guy about Filipino food, and he asked me why there are no Filipino restaurants in his joint even though there are a lot of Filipinos, and I told him, “you know Thinh, look at my hands… I am doing a quotation sign, – it is difficult to assimilate Filipino food into the mainstream culture, it’s visually unappealing and it is not ready for prime time“. He looked at me blankly and said, “You want Banh-mi? With Taro milkshake?”

I was also talking to this Indian lady, Superletchumi (I can’t spell her last name), she was on our table being fed with Afritada and she said “this Filipino food is really good, I am surprised there are not a lot of Filipino restaurants out there.” I asked her, is it visually appealing as I was doubting now because one Filipino Chef says it is. She says, “look at Indian food, it looks like something that goes out of a person instead of something to take in.” In my mind bubble I pondered, Is that something, something that goes out of the mouth or something that swooshes out of… but I popped the mind bubble right away. She said, “how we present it is just put the mish-mash in a bowl and serve it… but even white people want to have their own Indian restaurant now.” I believed her right away chef because I’ve had Indian food and I don’t want it to be erased from my memory. It is indeed lovely, tasty and luscious even though it looks ugly. I think your mistress will agree Chef.

Chef, Filipino food would not be prime time if you continue to give it down time. I want to apologize again for being outrageously passionate in this letter. Can you answer us please. What happened to your Filipino stock? Why didn’t you give Filipino food a shot? And if you ever did venture, what happened?

Lastly, even though you did not pursue uplifting Filipino food because it can’t buy a can of S-26, the daughters and sons of Datu Puti love you very much. We are actually proud of you for making it big… you big-shot you. We’re just a bit disappointed that Lumpia did not make it to Webster this year, again.

lots of love,

Ziggy

P.S.

Nora Daza is still alive and she will let your phone ring but won’t answer if you pick up.

P.S.S.

MANILA

May

All

Nights

Inspire

Love

Always

Back on the news, here’s another Filipino Chef that puts a list of Filipino Chefs into deep, mind-throbbing, vein-popping thinking.

Filipino chef makes it big in Paris

By Ria de Borja, Philippine Daily Inquirer

DateFirst Posted 22:05:00 06/24/2010

Enough said.